We’re not quite there yet. Wait, yes we are. Oh. No. No, we’re not.

Well, the greatest girlfriend ever went and bought me an iPhone 3G on Friday. And, of course, it’s awesome. I mean, I’m writing this blog post from it while standing in an AT&T store, for crying out loud.

However, it’s not all wine and roses. I’m trying to transfer my old Verizon number (area code 703) to the new hotness, and… well, it’s not going well.

Suffice it to say that if you’re trying to move a number from a different market to a new “family plan”, be prepared to not be able to fully enjoy the awesomeness for a few days.

In the meantime, I’ll just carry yw

…so, funny story. Right after typing the above sentence (or typo-ing it, I guess), the process finally completed. Thanks to Peter at the Redmond Town Center AT&T store, we’re all squared away.

So I walked to the parking garage, sat in the Honda, and started writing the rest of this post. I wrote how I was finally going to be able to get rid of my enV (what is it with phones and their weIRd capitalIZATion?). I wrote how awesome if was going to be to be able to write blog posts on the go. And I wrote how I was going to head home and masochistically try to beat “Everlong” on Expert drums. I even said “¡Viva Unemployment!” at the end, and relayed how savvy I was for holding down the exclamation point button to get the upside-down punctuation mark.

Then I hit “Save” at the top right of the iPhone WordPress app, and promptly lost five minutes of parking garage prose.

So, yeah. We’re not quite there yet.

Of course, that did give me my first-ever opportunity to finish a blog post while on the toilet. So maybe we ARE there yet. Hmm. I guess I’m not too far away from Gabe at this point.

Two out of five may be fine in baseball, but I hate baseball.

8GB, eh?

Look, I know eBay isn’t perfect.  I know that.  But I’ve been doing business through them for almost ten years now.  How many other web sites have even been around that long?

Okay, don’t answer that.

My point is that I’ve been a good eBayer since my first purchase in June of 1999.  I don’t buy from people who don’t seem trustworthy.  I always check feedback ratings before I bid.

Except when I see an 8GB Memory Stick Pro Duo going for $20.

I mean, come on.  My PSP is great and all, but with an 8GB memory stick, it would be a whole different animal — not unlike this thing, only different in ways I don’t have time to get into now.  I could put the entire third season of The Venture Bros. on this 8GB memory stick and watch them while on the bike or treadmill at the gym, since I have no reason to drive to Issaquah for work anymore.  (Thanks, Activision Blizzard!)

So why am I not there pedaling right now, instead of writing this post?  Well, for quite a few reasons.  But one of them is that the 8GB Memory Stick Pro Duo that I bought from “d-techwynn” on September 6, 2008 did not quite go as planned.

Things that I perhaps should have thought about before paying $21.50 for this “8GB” “Memory” “Stick” “Pro” “Duo”:

1. No matter how good someone’s feedback rating is, if they have a  next to their name, one should probably not buy from them.
2. Just because a bunch of other people said “OMG A++++++++++++++ PRODUCT ARRIVED ON TIEM” in reference to their purchase does not mean that every purchase of the “8GB” “Memory” “Stick” “Pro” “Duo” will be seamless.
3. Reading all the way to the bottom of the item description will sometimes reveal information that makes the decision of whether or not to bid on the item an easy one:

Pacake [sic] Include:

Momery [sic] Card ONLY!!!!!!!!

…that is, if one were to read all the way to the bottom.  Oops.

So yes, the Pacake did Include the Momery Card ONLY!!!!!!!!  That much is true.  Well, okay, not completely:  it was wrapped in what appeared to be wax paper.  But that’s okay, I thought — maybe that’s what Sony is doing to try to be more green.  Al Gore is a persuasive guy.

But once I inserted the ”8GB” “Memory” “Stick” “Pro” “Duo” into my PSP and tried to copy files to it, things took a turn.

Let’s break it down by designation.

1. “Memory”:
   TRUE.  I was able to copy files to it, and those files were readable.  This points to the object containing “memory” of some kind.
2. “Stick”:
   TRUE.  While not as literal as the obnoxiously clever device that my girlfriend occasionally employs, the object’s length was greater than its width.  Thus, “stick” is a reasonably accurate description of its nature.
3. “Pro”:
   FALSE.  I have to say that nothing about this entire experience struck me as “professional”.  Hmm… but maybe the “Pro” in this case stands for something negative, not positive.  Like “prostitute”.  Or “prog rock”.  Or maybe “prolapsed”.
4. “Duo”:
   FALSE.  Unless “Duo” is a measurement of how many times I tried to use the object before realizing that I had been screwed.  If that’s the case, then TRUE.  But I think we know better.
5. “8GB”:
   EXTREMELY FUCKING FALSE.  Of the 8GB of content I tried to copy to the 8GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, only about 2GB was successfully transferred.

Final score: 2/5

Hmm, how does 2/5 calculate… oh, that’s right:

FAIL.

So, to make a long story even longer, I requested a refund.  And “d-techwynn” was eager to oblige — perhaps hoping that a quick refund would not earn them their first negative feedback rating.  I think they might be disappointed.

In the meantime, I’m sorry, Newegg.  Please take me back, baby.  I’ll never leave you again.  I’ve changed.

Oh, and in case you think this is an isolated incident:

http://reviews.ebay.com/FAKE-Sony-Memory-Stick-Pro-Duo-MagicGate-Cards-Exposed_W0QQugidZ10000000001236041

Dammit.

Update: I got my refund through Paypal the other day, so I went to go leave some not-so-positive feedback on eBay for “d-techwynn” — only to find that they’re no longer a registered user.  It seems that once people found out they were selling fake memory sticks, they got run out of eBay on a rail.  Or, you know, something like that.  Hooray, free market?  I guess?