We’re not quite there yet. Wait, yes we are. Oh. No. No, we’re not.

Well, the greatest girlfriend ever went and bought me an iPhone 3G on Friday. And, of course, it’s awesome. I mean, I’m writing this blog post from it while standing in an AT&T store, for crying out loud.

However, it’s not all wine and roses. I’m trying to transfer my old Verizon number (area code 703) to the new hotness, and… well, it’s not going well.

Suffice it to say that if you’re trying to move a number from a different market to a new “family plan”, be prepared to not be able to fully enjoy the awesomeness for a few days.

In the meantime, I’ll just carry yw

…so, funny story. Right after typing the above sentence (or typo-ing it, I guess), the process finally completed. Thanks to Peter at the Redmond Town Center AT&T store, we’re all squared away.

So I walked to the parking garage, sat in the Honda, and started writing the rest of this post. I wrote how I was finally going to be able to get rid of my enV (what is it with phones and their weIRd capitalIZATion?). I wrote how awesome if was going to be to be able to write blog posts on the go. And I wrote how I was going to head home and masochistically try to beat “Everlong” on Expert drums. I even said “¡Viva Unemployment!” at the end, and relayed how savvy I was for holding down the exclamation point button to get the upside-down punctuation mark.

Then I hit “Save” at the top right of the iPhone WordPress app, and promptly lost five minutes of parking garage prose.

So, yeah. We’re not quite there yet.

Of course, that did give me my first-ever opportunity to finish a blog post while on the toilet. So maybe we ARE there yet. Hmm. I guess I’m not too far away from Gabe at this point.

The other side of the story.

Space Siege currently sits at a 56% on GameRankings.

Would it have been ranked higher if all my dialogue hadn’t been rewritten and re-recorded after I was laid off with a bunch of other people?

Maybe, maybe not.  I don’t know.  I do know that everyone on the project (at least, while I was still there) gave it their best shot.  No one set out to make a game that would get a 56%.

But in the interest of full disclosure — and in the interest of clearing my name, which I opted to not remove from the game’s credits — here is the original script and recorded VO for Space Siege.

It is obviously still a work in progress, as I upload more web pages.  I’m also offering some “notes” along the way.  Kind of a director’s commentary, I guess.

Enjoy.

Update: I have removed the links to the originally recorded VO files, at the (informal) request of some old friends at GPG.  I’m not trying to cause any trouble, boys — don’t sic Patrick on me.

Two out of five may be fine in baseball, but I hate baseball.

8GB, eh?

Look, I know eBay isn’t perfect.  I know that.  But I’ve been doing business through them for almost ten years now.  How many other web sites have even been around that long?

Okay, don’t answer that.

My point is that I’ve been a good eBayer since my first purchase in June of 1999.  I don’t buy from people who don’t seem trustworthy.  I always check feedback ratings before I bid.

Except when I see an 8GB Memory Stick Pro Duo going for $20.

I mean, come on.  My PSP is great and all, but with an 8GB memory stick, it would be a whole different animal — not unlike this thing, only different in ways I don’t have time to get into now.  I could put the entire third season of The Venture Bros. on this 8GB memory stick and watch them while on the bike or treadmill at the gym, since I have no reason to drive to Issaquah for work anymore.  (Thanks, Activision Blizzard!)

So why am I not there pedaling right now, instead of writing this post?  Well, for quite a few reasons.  But one of them is that the 8GB Memory Stick Pro Duo that I bought from “d-techwynn” on September 6, 2008 did not quite go as planned.

Things that I perhaps should have thought about before paying $21.50 for this “8GB” “Memory” “Stick” “Pro” “Duo”:

1. No matter how good someone’s feedback rating is, if they have a  next to their name, one should probably not buy from them.
2. Just because a bunch of other people said “OMG A++++++++++++++ PRODUCT ARRIVED ON TIEM” in reference to their purchase does not mean that every purchase of the “8GB” “Memory” “Stick” “Pro” “Duo” will be seamless.
3. Reading all the way to the bottom of the item description will sometimes reveal information that makes the decision of whether or not to bid on the item an easy one:

Pacake [sic] Include:

Momery [sic] Card ONLY!!!!!!!!

…that is, if one were to read all the way to the bottom.  Oops.

So yes, the Pacake did Include the Momery Card ONLY!!!!!!!!  That much is true.  Well, okay, not completely:  it was wrapped in what appeared to be wax paper.  But that’s okay, I thought — maybe that’s what Sony is doing to try to be more green.  Al Gore is a persuasive guy.

But once I inserted the ”8GB” “Memory” “Stick” “Pro” “Duo” into my PSP and tried to copy files to it, things took a turn.

Let’s break it down by designation.

1. “Memory”:
   TRUE.  I was able to copy files to it, and those files were readable.  This points to the object containing “memory” of some kind.
2. “Stick”:
   TRUE.  While not as literal as the obnoxiously clever device that my girlfriend occasionally employs, the object’s length was greater than its width.  Thus, “stick” is a reasonably accurate description of its nature.
3. “Pro”:
   FALSE.  I have to say that nothing about this entire experience struck me as “professional”.  Hmm… but maybe the “Pro” in this case stands for something negative, not positive.  Like “prostitute”.  Or “prog rock”.  Or maybe “prolapsed”.
4. “Duo”:
   FALSE.  Unless “Duo” is a measurement of how many times I tried to use the object before realizing that I had been screwed.  If that’s the case, then TRUE.  But I think we know better.
5. “8GB”:
   EXTREMELY FUCKING FALSE.  Of the 8GB of content I tried to copy to the 8GB Memory Stick Pro Duo, only about 2GB was successfully transferred.

Final score: 2/5

Hmm, how does 2/5 calculate… oh, that’s right:

FAIL.

So, to make a long story even longer, I requested a refund.  And “d-techwynn” was eager to oblige — perhaps hoping that a quick refund would not earn them their first negative feedback rating.  I think they might be disappointed.

In the meantime, I’m sorry, Newegg.  Please take me back, baby.  I’ll never leave you again.  I’ve changed.

Oh, and in case you think this is an isolated incident:

http://reviews.ebay.com/FAKE-Sony-Memory-Stick-Pro-Duo-MagicGate-Cards-Exposed_W0QQugidZ10000000001236041

Dammit.

Update: I got my refund through Paypal the other day, so I went to go leave some not-so-positive feedback on eBay for “d-techwynn” — only to find that they’re no longer a registered user.  It seems that once people found out they were selling fake memory sticks, they got run out of eBay on a rail.  Or, you know, something like that.  Hooray, free market?  I guess?

The Brady is a tramp. Alone on fantasy island. The death of principles.

Let me get this out of the way first:  I don’t wish harm on anyone.

Well, okay, that’s not true.  There are quite a few people I’d wish harm on if I thought it would work.  The wishing, I mean.  But I haven’t really found wishing to accomplish anything.  Thirty-three candleblows wasted!

Anyway.  I wouldn’t wish harm on Tom Brady.  It’s not my fault that he’s an incredibly talented professional football player who looks like a Calvin Klein model.  At least, I don’t think it’s my fault.  I don’t remember wishing for that during any of the candleblows.

Still, candleblows aside, I know most professional athletes handle injury a lot better than the rest of us mortals.  After all, my parents frowned upon me playing football because they were worried that I’d get hurt.  But other than spraining my right ankle six times and dislocating my shoulder and taking a bloodbath-bringing baseball to the nose, I never got hurt.

Tom Brady.  Right.  So I’m playing fantasy football again this year after taking a year off.  (This is when most of you will roll your eyes and go back to looking at Slashdot.  I know.  It’s okay.)  I’m in a 14-team league with a bunch of people from Sierra, and got the #4 pick in the draft.

Now, some of you may know that I’m a big fan of the Indianapolis Colts, and of Peyton Manning in particular.  That’s right, I have a jersey and everything.  I’m not ashamed.  So, naturally, I hate the Patriots.  Hate hate hate the Patriots.  I loved them back in 2001 when they kicked the Rams’ ass after being 14-point underdogs, when they were 53 Davids who took down the irritating Rams Goliath.  I started hating them soon after that, due to them beating the Colts year after year at every opportunity.  I delighted in 2007 when they took down the Patriots in the AFC Championship on their way to the Super Bowl, and cackled madly when the plucky Giants shocked the world and ended the Patriots’ perfect season seven months ago.

Fast forward to last week.  I have the #4 pick in my fantasy draft.  LaDainian Tomlinson was picked first, of course.  Adrian Peterson went second.  The Eagles’ Brian Westbrook was chosen third.

Now what?  I could take Joseph Addai, the exciting young running back from Indianapolis who is a hell of a lot of fun to watch, and more importantly, a member of my favorite real-life team.  In the past, I’ve had a strict policy of never choosing any players that I don’t like.  Or, at least, never choosing players that I hate.

So what do I do?  Why, I chose last year’s regular season MVP, thrower of an NFL record 50 touchdown passes, from the University of Michigan, number 12, Tom Brady!

I immediately felt the need to confess my sins to Joe, who justifiably ridiculed me.  I had sold out!  What the hell is the matter with me!  I’d violated my only rule in fantasy football!

Well, at least I could justify my decision by a desire to win.  I’m a winner, baby.  And that’s why I chose the indestructible Tom Brady, impregnator of actresses and Brazilian supermodels.  Why, with him leading my team, what could possib–

I really do feel bad for the guy, honestly. I can't believe in 2008 we still have knee injuries as often as we do in the NFL.

…huh.

Now, as a giant fan of the five-time AFC South Champion Indianapolis Colts, what was my first reaction?  Was it “Serves you right, pretty boy.  Try throwing 50 passes when you’re gripping a walker!”  Was it “Sweet!  Thanks to a Tom Brady knee injury, the Colts will have a much easier path to the Super Bowl.  2008 is looking up for the Colts!”  Or was it “Wow, knee injuries are horrible things.  No matter how I may feel about the strikingly handsome Tom Brady, I wish him a speedy recovery and good health.”

Well, no.  Instead, my first reaction as I pulled into the Safeway parking lot after hearing the news was:

“Shit!  My fantasy team is doomed!”

Fantasy football is evil.

Update:  Oh my god, I just looked at NFL.com and saw that he’s OUT FOR THE SEASON.  Just… wow.

The invisible speech. On a Palin horse.

One of the things that made me get my act together and revamp my web site was the 2008 election season.  Specifically, John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin for his running mate.

At the time, I was just frustrated with the traditional media giving her so much credit for “fighting the bridge to nowhere“, like she was Eko facing down the black smoke in “The 23rd Psalm” or something.  Wow, what courage it must have taken to rise in opposition to a batshit crazy Senator (who nonetheless was third in the line of succession for four years) who proposed one of the more egregious earmarks in recent memory.

In retrospect, it seems like I wasn’t nearly skeptical and frustrated enough.  What a trainwreck this has turned out to be.

And while ordinarily I would clap my hands excitedly at watching Republicans on the receiving end of traditional media “scrutiny” for a while (such as it is), this sideshow is having the unfortunate effect of distracting from another incredible convention speech by Barack Obama.

At least I can take comfort in the fact that it was watched by (at a minimum) 40 million people.

I don’t have much patience for watching any of the pundits on cable news, whether they’re the nutbars on Fox News or the bloviators on MSNBC.  And the bottomless pit of negative energy on most right-wing blogs keeps me away.  So I haven’t had much opportunity for honest discussion with Republicans in, like, three years.

Now I wish I could, just to find out what they’re thinking now.  I mean, even the most generous polls for Obama still have McCain hovering around the 40% mark.  40%!  That just blows my mind.  I guess we have a lot of work to do in the next two months, to convince people that Ol’ Mr. 29% is not 11% better than McCain.

I am not optimistic.

It’s on like Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong 3, specifically. The one with the bugs and the greenhouses and stuff.

Well, nine years after my first attempt at a “blog”, I’m back, baby.  And this time, I’m not posting inconsequential ramblings about what I ate at McDonald’s (way too much) or uploading blurry pictures of vanity license plates that I took with a crappy “digital” camera that had an actual floppy disk inside.

No, this time it’s different.  This time, it’s a real “blog”.  Only like my girlfriend, I really don’t like the word “blog”.

“But Grant,” you say, already seizing an opening, “there’s a 371 pixel tall image of the word ‘blog’ right over there.”

Well, I don’t really know what to say to that.

Just the thing you want to hear from a guy who writes for a living, right?

So this will be the place where I blog.  From which I blog?  I don’t know.  It will be about video games.  It will be about politics.  It will be about all kinds of things.

But mostly, it’s about time.

BAM!  That’s right.  I get paid to do this, people.

Elsewhere on this site, I will be uploading the entire original script (with accompanying VO) of Space Siege.  If you’re reading this blog, you probably know all about my tortured history with that game.  I will be posting other samples of my work from the video game industry, as well.

I may, from time to time, post “reviews” of things such as video games, movies, TV shows, new brands of aspartame-sweetened colas, etc.  I’ve already made the rollover images for a “reviews” section, so I might as well stick to that.

Elsewhere, I will post longform things that shall not be called “rants”, because I hate that word, too.  That will be called the “opinions” section.  This “blog” section — the length of this post notwithstanding — will usually be for shorter burst transmissions.

I look forward to seeing you again.  Thanks for stopping by.